Boil up some water in a pan. You can tell that the water is boiling by the bubbly nature of the water when it reaches the required temperature. Do not touch the water at this time – it’s nearly as hot as a McDonald’s coffee!
Throw some of your favourite dried pasta into the water. Some of those pasta shells would be good, although any old cheap rubbish from the Value section of the supermarket will suffice. Bring the water to the boil again, then reduce the heat so that the pasta is being “simmered”. This is like boiling, but with smaller bubbles.
Cook the pasta until it is done. The best way to cook pasta is until it is “al dente”. This is somewhere in-between crunchy and sloppy – after a bit of practice you’ll soon get the hang of it. Drain off the water. Try not to let all the pasta fall out if the pan into the sink, as this will impair taste if you have to pick them out of the plughole.
Open a tin of tuna – drain off whatever liquid is in the tin, then fork the tuna into the pasta. Use a fork for this. Spoon in a dollop of wholegrain mustard (the amount depends on how much you value your tastebuds) and also a healthy squirt of mayonnaise. Stir it all up – save washing up by using the same fork that you used on the tuna.
Empty into one of those cheapo plates from Ikea, and serve. Enjoy!