The Shit List
I’ve just been reading an article in a recent edition of intellectual magazine Front. It’s a list of reasons why it might be just as well to end it all now. Here’s a selection of my favourites: Regardless of how cool you think you look now, in five years time you’ll look at pictures of yourself and realise that you looked like a complete twat. Craig Logan, the ugliest, most forgettable member of Bros, has shagged Dannii Minogue. John Peel Died at the age of 65. Jimmy Saville is 77. There were some people out there that weren’t considered cool enough to be in Blazin’ Squad. Last year’s best-selling exercise video was Jade Goody’s dance workout. Driving lowers your sperm count. Life expectancy is increasing but mandatory retirement age is staying at the same age. This means that you can look forward to 20-odd years of loneliness and boredom as you stand around waiting for the welcome, cold hand of death. The X-factor has been recommissioned.