Bill Gates vs General Motors

My sister’s been sending me a few jokes recently, so here’s a selection of the better ones. I know some of them are a bit old, but it’s often worth repeating some of these ancient goodies… For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our…… Continue reading Bill Gates vs General Motors

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Blonde joke

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the…… Continue reading Blonde joke

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How to impress the opposite sex

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her, Support her, Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her, Listen to her, Laugh with her, Cry with her, Romance her, Encourage her, Believe in her, Pray with her, Pray for her, Cuddle with her, Shop with her, Give her jewelry,…… Continue reading How to impress the opposite sex

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Sweary child

Thanks to Ory for this one… A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, “All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, ’cause this is the last stop!…… Continue reading Sweary child

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Fannie Green

Thanks to Ray for this one: A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, “Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I’ve had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month.” The priest tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go out and say three ‘Hail Mary’s’.” Soon,…… Continue reading Fannie Green

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Fart Rugby

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “it’s fart Rugby.” A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Try…… Continue reading Fart Rugby

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At the club

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes” WOMAN: “I am at…… Continue reading At the club

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A knob at work

Thanks to Dave for this one: I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends off or public holidays. I work in a damp environment. I don’t get paid…… Continue reading A knob at work

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Mute Tourettes Appeal

Thanks to Shelley for emailing me this one…. Mute Tourettes Syndrome has long been in the shadow of its more famous sister-disease, ‘Tourettes Syndrome’, and although much rarer, is even more tragic in its consequences. While a child suffering from Tourettes has difficulty in containing its anger and frustration, a child with Mute Tourettes suffers…… Continue reading Mute Tourettes Appeal