Category: “Jokes”

  • African Throne Room

    There was an old African king and he decided that he wanted to have the largest throne in Africa. So he had his workers come build him a huge wooden 8′ throne. One day he dies, and his son decides that his will be the greatest throne ever. So he has his father’s throne moved […]

  • A doctor used to visit the same bar everyday and he ordered the same drink day in and day out. He would tell the bartender, “Fix me an almond Daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick, the bartender, would serve it up. This went on for years on end. Finally one day, the bartender realized that there were […]

  • Monkeys

    A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don’t get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys, […]

  • Bar boasts

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Newfoundlander were sitting in a bar in Toronto. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional. “As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for […]

  • Sex, the Audi way

    A German guy approaches a prostitute and says “I vish to buy sex vit you” OK” says the girl, “I’ll charge 100 dollars an hour” Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky” “No problem” she replies cautiously, “I can do a little kinky” So off they go to the girl’s […]

  • One-liner orgy

    Fill your boots with these atrocious one-liners as supplied by Matt: Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery. A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative. Practice safe eating — always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. A hangover […]

  • Scam warning

    I don’t how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know. I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Tesco in Nottingham and it could […]

  • Tampon shopping

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge […]

  • I’ve just got this via email. I’ve checked the internet and it’s all over the place so I can’t really confirm the original source. They are funny though. The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and […]

  • Beer

    At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conference. Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: “In ‘Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate.” Bob, CEO of Budweiser, […]

  • Desperate for a shag

    A bloke’s feeling a bit lonely so he goes cruising for a pro in the red light district in Edinburgh. Eventually he spies likely game, but he’s broke. The girl propositions him anyway and he bemoans his brassic state. “Oh what about them? Your trainers? I’ll take them!” says the pro, “but I will show […]

  • Penny for your thoughts

    A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall,holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’…perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.” The girl […]