Ireland v France

Jacques Chirac, the French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. “Hallo, Mr. Chirac!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub…

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Drive-thru cash machines

I’m pleased to inform customers that the Yorkshire Bank are now installing the Next Generation of new “Drive-thru” cash point machines: Customers will in future be able to withdraw cash…

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Are you Scottish?

You are a GLASWEGIAN If: 1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake. 2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the…

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Pinch my nipples

A woman went to a Curry’s service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work. The clerk told her that…

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Sandals

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they…

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Scottish Dating Ads

Real ones of course. Romantic bastards, those Scots. Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks petite nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit…

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Fifi

A US marine stationed in France returning to base, is wandering through the train carriages looking for a an empty seat, the only one he finds is occupied by a…

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