Random crap by Dave Rutt
It’s been a while since I posted a joke, so here’s one from my work email: A boy asked his mother the following question: ‘Mum, why are wedding dresses white?’ The mother looks at her..
A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?” The young man answered “Eye, hods, I was a canny salesman..
Paddy and Mick, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Mick and said, “Mick, me ol’ mate, how we gonna tell who owns which..
More Unix-related shenanigans from Steve: # csh # %blow %blow: No such job. # Shame that.
Stolen shamelessly from tMP I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said,”Do you want..
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honour of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get..
An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that..
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off,..
Tony Blair and Gordon Brown are worried about the state of the polls and decide that they need to do something to try and gain a decent share of the vote in the countryside. They..
A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a huge purple head. The doctor sees how strange this is, and rushes the guy back to an examination room. Huge purple head or not, though, the..
A man, sitting next to a woman on a jet, suddenly sneezes. Unexpectedly, he unzips his trousers and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He then zips up and continues reading..
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has took him for ten million bucks. This book-keeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place,..