Paddy, Mick & the Pigs

Paddy and Mick, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Mick and said, “Mick, me ol’ mate, how we gonna tell who owns which fookin’ pig?”

Mick says “Well Paddy, I’ll cut one a ta’ ears off my pig, and ten we can tell ’em apart”

“Ah tat’d be grand” says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later when Paddy stormed into the house. “Mick” he said “Your fookin’ pig has chewed the ear offa my fookin’ pig. Now we got two fookin’ pigs with only one ear each. How we gonna tell who owns which pig?”

“Well Paddy” said Mick “I’ll cut ta other ear off my fookin’ pig. Ten we’ll av two fookin’ pigs and only one of them will avan ear”

“Ah tat’d be grand” says Paddy.

Again this worked fine until a couple of weeks later when Paddy again stormed into the house. “Mick” he said “Your fookin’ pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin’ pig. Now we got two fookin’ pigs with no fookin’ ears! How we gonna tell who owns which pig?”

“Ah tis serious, Paddy” said Mick “I’ll tell ya what I’ll do. I’ll cut ta tail offa my fookin’ pig, ten we’ll av two fookin’ pigs with no fookin’ ears and only one fookin’ tail.”

“Ah tat’d be grand” says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by, and you guessed it, Paddy stormed into the house once more.

“Mick!” shouted Paddy. “Your fookin’ pig has chewed the fookin’ tail offa my fookin’ pig and now we got two fookin’ pigs with no fookin’ ears and no fookin’ tails! How the fook are we ever gonna tell ’em apart?!”

“Ah fook it!” says Mick “How’s about you have the black one, and I’ll have the white one”