Too Posh To Mosh

Random crap by Dave Rutt

Drive-thru cash machines

I’m pleased to inform customers that the Yorkshire Bank are now installing the Next Generation of new “Drive-thru” cash point machines: Customers will in future be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (Male Or Female).

Please remember and follow these instructions when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Turn the radio down
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make-up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 meters
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release handbrake

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3 Comments

  1. SarahG July 4, 2006

    You’ve got the male one slightly wrong…

    MALE PROCEDURE
    1 Drive up to the cash machine.
    2 You don’t have to wind down your car window as you’ve been posing out of it.
    3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    4a. Couple of nice ladies go past to eyeball them and check your hair in the mirror.
    5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
    5a. Give the engine a good rev to let everyone know you’re around
    6 Put your elbow back on the window ledge, check your hair and get the pose back again.
    7 Drive off at a rate of knots

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Rutty July 4, 2006

    I think there should probably be an “adjust self” or “scratch balls” in there somewhere too ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Lorraine July 5, 2006

    I’m going to have to reconsider our invitation of hospitality at Casa Franka, now that I have read the above !

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

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